Maxwell Abraham & Asher Neal: October 2014

"When a child loses a parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or a widower. When parents lose their children, there isn't a word to describe them." ~ Ronald Reagan in 1988, when he declared October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

Yesterday marked our third observance of National Infant Loss Remembrance Day, which is the one day I devote the blog to our baby girl. I regret not finding the time yesterday to sit and write, but we were very busy all day getting ready to leave town for the weekend. However, the benefit of waiting an extra day is that I get to tell you about how I observed this day with a wonderfully strong community of people who have been touched either personally or indirectly by the loss of a child or children.

As most of you know a support group in Waco called Cradled supported Curtis and me through our loss. This group has only been in existence since 2011, but they have really made a difference in the lives of so many families across Waco. Since losing our baby, I have felt the need to give back to this organization by supporting other families who have experienced loss. I am currently a week away from finishing as session with five precious families and it has truly been an honor to walk through this journey with them.

Cradled is a non-profit organization, so fundraising is always a need for this group, especially as they expand to serve more families and the need for possible paid positions, such as a bilingual group leader, increases. Last night the Cradled community rallied to raise $650.00 and we had an absolute joyful evening honoring our babies in the process. We spent the evening at Painting with a Twist, and they generously donated half the proceeds to Cradled. If you have a Paining with a Twist near you, I would encourage you to give it a try. Even those with no artistic ability made beautiful paintings (as proof, you can see mine below). I of course went a little “off script”, but really would you expect otherwise? So we painted, we ate, we sang and I sensed such a connection with everyone in the room. I hope I was not the only one who experienced this!

The original painting only had one heart. I put three so each of my children would be represented. I also "carved" Curtis and my initials in the trunk of the tree.

The three hearts closer up. I put each of their initials and year they were born.

But I can say that two years and a month after the loss of our baby, we have made great strides in healing. Asher and Max deserve a lot of the credit for this, but Cradled also deserves credit. And I guess they like me too…. They made me Curriculum Director. Sounds fancy, no? I am thrilled to dig deeper into this group and find ways of using my talents and education (my degree will be in Curriculum and Teaching after all) to give more to this cause.

And thanks to our family and friends who have also supported us. Your love has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.

Maybe next year I will work up the courage to see her face again, but really I don’t need to look at pictures… She looked a great deal like her brothers. I will leave you with a sand dollar. Seeing one of these always reminds me of her, which is why I wear one close to my heart always.

Hi everyone,
Wow, are we busy. And we are so far from having extracurriculars to eat up even more of our precious time. I have no idea how we will function when that time comes… and it will. Max has already asked when he can play baseball. He has actually been old enough the last couple of years to play T-ball, but I am just not willing to parcel out more of our time to something that I don't think he will actually appreciate yet. We have plenty of time to get him into sports, I don't feel the need to rush into it while Asher is still so little and we have more than enough on out plates as it is right now.

So what do we do with all of our time? Well, Max is at school 5 days a week from 8:30-3:00. He really seems to love it, but I can tell you that it is exhausting for him. He will typically nap on the weekend and this morning he fell asleep on the couch after Curtis woke him up. He complains that we wake him up "too early" and yet it is a struggle to get him in bed by 8:00 every night. And it's not always his fault (mostly it is) but sometimes it is just circumstances. On Friday afternoons, Curtis picks him up from school (sometimes Asher and I come too) and they go to the zoo, the park, etc. Max looks forward to this all week and he deserves some fun after working hard. In fact last Thursday his teacher, Ms. Tita, made a point in telling me how hard Max is working and how well he is doing. "He deserves a reward" she told me. So we went for a cupcake. I am proud of him.

Asher is going to Parents Day Out on Mondays and Wednesdays this fall. He doesn't love it. :( But I remember struggling with Max when he started out. I still feel bad when I hand him over with that bottom lip stuck out and a look of betrayal on his sweet face. And then he cries again when I show up to get him, just to remind me how upset he really was. Hopefully we are turning a corner. Today seemed a little easier.

Curtis is working, working, working. I remember when we first moved here he would have huge gaps in his schedule and come home at all hours of the day. That was waaaaay before kids. Now when it would be great to have him home he is busy, busy, busy. Don't get me wrong, busy is good, but I know he wishes he could spend more time with the boys.

And me, I am taking a statistics course which keeps me plenty stressed out. I meet with a group every Sunday to work on homework and that is the ONLY thing getting me through right now. While Asher is at PDO, I am usually in the library doing homework or reading for my future dissertation research. My class is Tuesday nights so that is "boys night" and for the past three weeks (and we have three more to go) I have been sitting in on a Cradled group in a supportive role to these families. So lately Wednesday nights have been "boys night" as well.

Asher had his 9 month check up a week ago last Monday. He weighed 21.5 lbs and was 30" long. Growing boy! He is still behind Max in weight, but is actually a little longer than he was at 9 months. But the most important part is that Dr. Janish proclaimed him "perfect". She said she wished all her babies were so easy. We did not get away without a needle stick though… he has his first half of the flu vaccine and we will have to go back later this month for the other half. Max was with us, so he took the flu mist. Im not sure we will do that again. He ran a temp Friday after Curtis picked him up from school (and took him for ice cream and the zoo) and complained of his ears hurting. We dosed him with Advil, but I was worried he might be getting an ear infection so I took him to urgent care. They swabbed him for strep and the flu, and he came back positive for the flu!!! But Max was acting so normal, just feverish. He prescribed Tamiflu (very expensive) but Curtis and I decided (once consulting with both of our former pediatricians and the nurse on call at the clinic) that we would give it 24 hours. Well he is just perfect too. Not sure if it was just side effects from the mist or another little virus messing with him, but he's right as rain.

Asher's fused tooth. The one on the left is extra wide as Curtis thinks it is actually two teeth fused together. No problem now, but hopefully his adult teeth will be ok.

We went to the Perot museum in Dallas the Saturday following Max's first full week of school as a treat. It was awesome! Above Max is simulating a bird and is "flying".

All of the skeletons in this part of the museum were found in Texas.

Max and Daddy were feeling a simulated Earthquake.

Exploring rocks and minerals.

Argon laser

This was a neat wall. Small wooden blocks that would turn on edge to mimc the person in the camera.

3-D Imax movie!!!

Way in the basement was a teeny tiny corner for Asher's age group. Poor baby! He didn't seem to mind getting hauled all over the place though.

Asher just adores Max. He wants to do whatever Max is doing too.

Papa came for a visit!!! Here Max and Papa are playing a dice game. Max makes the rules up as he goes, but needless to say he ALWAYS wins and you ALWAYS lose!

Max is counting the block tower to make sure it is taller than Papa's tower.

Papa and his new car. He headed out before Curt and Asher were up for the day. As we watched him drive around the corner, Max says "I miss Papa already!". We will see him in about a week!!!